I’m not sure how in fuck’s name I have so much to say about Africa on this blog; I honestly don’t.
Maybe it’s because I keep encountering people who are highly uneducated and ignorant. Or maybe these people just eat Quaker Instant Dumbass for breakfast. Whichever be the case, it absolutely always tickles me pink when a mouth-breather approaches me without warrant.
One such time happened as I was once again pedaling on a stationary bike in the gym. I should have known. Bad shit always happens when I’m on the fucking bike, as you may recall from “Sweat” ( https://daysinthelifeofthesociallyawkward.wordpress.com/2012/02/21/sweat/ ). I should just stop using that machine. It so obviously attracts the wrong crowd.
As I exercised and listened to the string of expletives that is aggressive rap music, I noticed a woman around my age come into my line of vision. She started talking like I was expecting her, when really I was just trying to live my life and ignore the world. I kept pedaling but paused my music and removed one of my ear buds. She repeated her question.
“Are you from South Africa?”
I should have punched her out for her stupidity right then and there, but I was feeling rambunctiously playful and decided to see how much tomfoolery I could coax from one person’s mouth at a time. It turns out, that’s a lot.
“No, but close!”
“Oh really? Where are you from, then?”
She was sort of close…?
I thought at this point she’d stop talking to me. I figured once I pointed out that the geographical area she guessed I was from was highly unlikely (you know, because of all the white folk that possess enough wealth to travel outside of South Africa), that she’d leave me the fuck alone… I need to stop assuming people will leave me the fuck alone.
“Wow! Neat! Well, I was wondering if you’d like to see a Bollywood film with me some evening. Do you know [insert Hindi here]? I don’t really have a lot to do in the evenings and it would be good if you’d like to go, too.”
“Oh, yeah. Maybe that could happen.”
Why did I say that? Did I just agree to a date with this female? Did I agree to go anywhere with this human being?! I will do no such thing. Hell to the fucking no. She thought I was from an African country where white people live. Honestly, you can’t really get any worse than that. I’m not saying I’m a geography wiz… I’m just not Christopher Columbus trying to pass off America for India.
Which brings me to my next point.
If she thought I was African, why did she think I was an expert on Indian/Pakistani/Desi culture? In fact, this girl was of South Asian background herself so I didn’t understand her angle at all. The situation was making less and less sense to me, and my brain was starting to shut off. I allowed my mind to wander, hoping that Zeus would strike me down with a lightening bolt, for a few moments when I heard:
“Great! When you’re done here, I’ll get your number!”
You know my ass was out of there faster than this guy’s.
Note: I know that this post is two days late. I’m really sorry. I’m preparing to go to camp. It’s a strenuous ordeal; so much bug spray! Friday will be my last post until September when I return.